Just need to write it all out.

Please if you don't like emo rantings, please look away now.

Being all alone in an strange country is bad. Really bad. Sitting here trying to surround me with known things, the few I have left.

Fighting with my ninety years old grandmother over money, hurting her so much. And feeling so guilty afterwards. Almost every day. Abandoned by my father, and by my only love. I just really don't know how I could take twenty years of all this, and still be around. Though don't worry about me taking my own life. I am too stupid to do it.

But lately I feel like I've been losing more and more control of it all. Just feel my life slip through my fingers. And it doesn't feel nice at all.
All I ever really wanted, was an family, who loved me and an life in dignity. I don't need that much even, just an loving family.

Sorry I don't know where I am going with this, or what I want. *sfalls silent*

Thank you for listening.